Just a brief update since I haven't written one in a while

All is well in Michelle's world. I started my job with Target about a week ago and things are overall good. I really like the people I work with and everyone just seems really nice and willing to help. I like that its completely different from Grocery work and I like the customers or at Target we call them (Guests). Its funny really, I'm getting used to all their lingo and everything else that comes with a new job. The first few days I was there though I had some issues that arouse. None of them were my fault but their lack of scheduling. I knew because I was still training that it wouldn't be a good idea to accept extra hours, only the ones they had me scheduled for. I was still thinking that geez I'm just getting used to things and you already want me to work extra. I didn't feel comfortable, but I did work some extra not much though. After a few days had passed I got a chance to talk to my bosses boss and she informed me that because I'm training they would prefer me not to just because they have a set schedule and what not for those of us that are new. In any case, things are good and I know I'll still be learning even past my two weeks of training. All in all, I like Target very much and I also get a 10% employee discount. Its cool, but I also read in my handbook that to use it and then to pay for things they won't let you use your debit card but only cash and check. I find that a little silly but I guess it makes sense. I guess I get paid this Friday which I'm very happy about. Although my money I'll be saving up to get my car fixed, need to pay bills and just saving because its a good habit to get into.

So much of the time, when I do get money I like to burn it but really I know its not being a good steward of what the Lord has given me. Its nice to buy things, but I have to constantly determine if whether I really need something or just want it.

I've been going through 3 weeks of free counseling, its a long story. But I've been looking for a church to call my home and I fell upon a church that has a licensed counselor and who is on their staff. He is retiring from the pastoral staff but will still be going to the church. At the time he was in charge of getting to know the new people coming in and he happened to give me a call and the door just opened for me to get some good one on one counseling from someone who's been trained for that. It has been really healing and really neat to have someone to talk to about problems and I feel much better after doing so. Counseling I would recommend for anyone who wants to be a better person and a better follower of the Lord. It has very much helped in my relationship with God and with others. I can't wait to get started on my training to be a counselor one day. Now that I've had a better look at what a counselor does all the more do I feel that, that is what I want to be doing and what I feel the Lord is directing me to do.

Well anyway, not much more to tell. My parents house in Idaho has a buyer which is totally awesome.

You know one thing I've noticed about myself and many others is that, when we go through very hard challenging times we tend to not think God is that good or we tend to not thank him or praise him so much. We because were humans always get caught up in paying too much attention to our circumstances and not enough on our Lord. Its a normal human thing, but I have to train and teach myself to look always on the Lord. I've been experiencing his true awesome love. I've seen myself draw closer to the Lord through these tough times. You know life will never ever be easy no matter how much of a christian we are. Life will always be turned upside down. Not because there is a God who doesn't love us but because he happens to know more stuff about us then we know about ourselves. He must know I need challenges to grow. How could I know that. I usually don't want to have anything to do with anything that is hard. I usually want to run the other way and resist hard times. All in all my character must need it, my faith must need it and my heart must learn to depend more and more on the Lord. Ultimately I can't do anything without him and even if I were to try everything would fall flat to the ground. Through my counseling I've come to experience and see more and more of God's love for me. Learning to respect myself and to love myself for who I really am. To not compare myself to others but change what I can and leave the rest to God. He is not meant to be our servant but we are his servants and his is our master. He is all that I know I could ever fully need.

I think for now this is about all I think I want to write, but later I'm sure I'll have much more to share. Thanks for reading and God Bless.

The Flag of Victory or Defeat?

You know growing up in the Assemblies of God denomination I've always heard the term "Victorious". And honestly I've always struggled with that because If you've ever dealt with depression as a believer it is hard to seem victorious. I've always associated being "victorious" as having no problems, having a smile, being holy spirit filled, life perfect. And when, as a teen I battled depression a lot because of circumstances and things that took place. I always had a pastor or pastors telling me you need to be victorious, like it was an emotion you turn on and off. It really bothered me when people tried to tell me how to be or how to act. I read the bible all the time so I knew that being depressed was frowned upon because, if you were, you were looked at as not really saved to some. Not that the bible says not to be depressed because if we really read we see all the great men and women of God battled with it much of the time. Whether it would be david, crying out to God to save him from Saul, or Moses who doubted that he could be used of God, or even Paul who was left on an island all by himself. I'm sure he desired companionship with others and dealt with depression. He obviously rose out of it, but when it comes down to it he became victorious because he learned from his circumstances and situations. I guess others were trying to tell me its a choice and I committed the sin plenty of times of self-pity because no one had taught me different. I knew what I knew and I didn't know different. You live what you only know. But you can be taught differently with time and to train your mind with God's help to think and act differently. In any case your wondering where I'm going with this here it is. A few days ago I was reading a devotional that really hit me and taught me a new way of thinking that I had yet knew before. The title of it was What Flag am I waving today? Here's just a few thoughts to what was said that I had wrote down in my prayer journal on the topic of victory.

True victory is strength in God. It is a genuine strength in God. I should endure hardship by drawing down from his strength.

A person living in absolute victory says: I'm at a very bad place in my life right now, but I've been on my knees. I'm walking with God and experiencing his strength. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, but I love the Lord. He has become very real and precious to me."

When you live by faith through a time of suffering, you display the reality of God in your life. You proclaim the absolute superiority of the life lived in God- even in trials-by contrasting how people who don't know the Lord go through the same trials.

The difference is the type of victory you experience. I call that "raising the flag" in Jesus' name. When you live by faith, you wave that flag and show others the difference trusting him can make.

So am I embracing the trial as allowed by a loving God for a good purpose? At the time during the trial you wonder is this really for a good purpose, or is to torture me? That's what I was thinking, but no really I had to be thinking that way and I wasn't. But its okay to think like that too.

Don't miss your opportunity to spread the fame of his name. To raise the flag of victory!

So yeah, I go through things but in Christ he gave me victory that even through the trial I may not feel victorious but its a faith that is unseen and a supernatural strength in the Lord that really is true victory.

So having victory is not life being perfect or good, but realizing that through those trials I need to draw down my strength from God. Its through those things that we really learn to trust God for victory. Realizing he is looking out for my best, even though it may not seem like it at the time really he is. So I'm sure I'll have days where I may not seem "victorious" but I know that through it all its for a better purpose than what I can see for sure.

Let's wave the Flag of victory that overall the Lord rose again from death and it had no hold on him. Draw down your strength and he will you strength to rise up and be victorious.

Thanks guys for reading. He is all we truly need emotionally, mentally, spiritually.

Hope, Regardless.

These are just thoughts from my devotional journal that I've had recently regarding such a tremendous trial that I have gone through. 

The Hope that Peter wrote about is not one of crossing your fingers and hoping that trouble will pass, but it is the genuine

trust that no trial on earth can rob us of all the goodness and grace-including eternity-that we have in him.

My definition of hope has been that of something of mortality. Hope has also been known to trust in some thing we possibly can't see.

We hope in what we wish or dream. We hope in the future. We hope things will get better. We hope this, we hope that. My hope should

always be in the Lord Jesus. Hope is something we can't see. We hope in things that are already set and grounded. I think I've

always laid my hope in circumstances, hoping they would change. But I have to lay and give my hope in Jesus. He's the one

that holds my life in his hands. He holds what is happening to me, what will, what won't and so on. Even if circumstances say

don't change, I still should hope in the Lord. In him is strength and security. In him is peace which always remains, unlike

hope of the world which constantly changes from minute to minute, day to day. When I put it like that, hoping in the world

would drive me crazy. Having someone like the Lord to lean upon is truly hope. Hope that in Christ circumstances will and

usually do turn around. While hoping in the Lord, life doesn't seem so bad, when things don't go right. Life without hope in

Christ is hopeless. There is hopelessness away from Christ. That even placing hope in the Lord, won't guarantee that I still

won't war and battle within myself. Hoping in the Lord doesn't mean life will be a bed of roses. Hoping doesn't guarantee

life is easy. But with Christ, living life makes it bearable, and all worth while. Hoping is putting faith in someone that I can't

see, or will not always feel. Faith is about believing, even when you don't believe. Its about trusting that when we fall there

is a God to catch us. He is almighty, all knowing, all caring, all sufficient, all omniscient, all omnipresent, all sovereign.

He is hope. He is all loving, and all merciful, in yet just and disciplining at the same time. He is my God, and I need him

and hoping in him today. Thank you for who you are Lord.

These were some thoughts I feel were possibly God breathed or just needed to come out. Must have been a revelation or

something because it just blew me away. It was almost like poetry. It is totally awesome. I guess he is the creator of poetry.

Anyway, that's it for now. Thanks for all who read. In the meantime, have a great week.